A Dream Called Home

The closing chapters of Book 1 reiterate key themes of Reyna’s memoir. For example, Chapter 15 centers on Reyna’s struggles with her identity. It describes her first encounter with Erica, a UCSC student who boldly flaunts her Mexican heritage. Reyna is shocked to see a woman dressed in traditional Mexican garments in Santa Cruz, yet she admires Erica’s self-assurance:

She held herself with total confidence, perfectly comfortable in her own body, dressed as if she were going to a Cinco de Mayo party even though it was February, and laughing unapologetically on a bus full of gringos who couldn’t hide their curiosity. She was flaunting her Mexicanness for all to see, and I was in total awe of her (113).

Erica helps Reyna find a sense of belonging in the US without sacrificing her cultural heritage. At Erica’s urging, Reyna joins Los Mejicas. Her involvement with the folklórico group gives her a new sense of pride in Mexico and its unique history, teaches her about her birth country and its diverse cultures, and introduces her to people with similar life experiences.

In addition to Los Mejicas, Erica introduces Reyna to Frida Kahlo, an artist with whom she feels an instant connection. Like Kahlo, Reyna draws on her experiences for inspiration, aiming to “turn her pain into art” (115). Kahlo overcame personal adversity to find success as a painter. Crippled by polio in childhood and seriously injured in a bus accident in her teens, Kahlo was wheelchair bound for much of her life. Every brushstroke she made was thus an act of triumph. Reyna identifies with Kahlo’s persistent efforts to create art, even in the face of obstacles.

In addition to Kahlo’s tenacity, Reyna admires the artist’s comfort with her dual identity. Reyna is drawn to a poster of Las Dos Fridas in Erica’s room. The painting is a double self-portrait and Kahlo’s most notable painting. It depicts two seated images of Kahlo, one in a European-style Victorian dress and the other in a traditional Tehuana dress. The painting is thought to represent Kahlo’s dual heritage—her father was German, while her mother was Mexican. The subject of mixed cultures appeals to Reyna, who identifies with Kahlo’s painting: “I saw myself in that painting. The Two Reynas holding hands, the two versions of me–the Mexican and the American–holding tightly to each other” (116).

Reyna’s interactions with Houston in Chapter 17 also underscore the theme of identity. Reyna’s stories focus on immigrant experiences, much like Houston’s memoir, Farewell to Manzanar, which describes being held in a Japanese internment camp during the Second World War. Reyna identifies with Houston, just as she does with Kahlo: “I recognized my struggle in her story as she shared her difficulties of trying to navigate American culture while trying to hold on to her Japanese heritage” (126).

Providing a voice for immigrants is a critical aspect of Reyna’s writing. Growing up, she lacked literary role models who told stories she could identify with, instead reading books that did not reflect her reality as a child immigrant. The few books that addressed the immigrant experience mirrored her parents’ life stories, not those of their children. As a result, Reyna felt invisible. One of her goals as a writer, then, is to give a voice to people like her. In short, she aims to address poverty, the lack of opportunity, and the effects of separation, an issue that had a profound impact on her family. Echoing the words of Houston, Micah encourages Reyna to fill this gap in the literary world, telling her to “write the book that you want to read” (127).

Finally, the desire for her father’s love continues to influence Reyna’s behavior. Chapter 16 describes Reyna’s relationship with Arturo, a poor Mexican field worker she met while working at an optometrist’s office. Like Gabe and the maintenance worker she was infatuated with at BCC, Arturo reminds Reyna of her father. Simply put, Reyna seeks love from older Mexican men to make up for the love she didn’t receive from her father. Mago disapproves of Reyna’s relationship with Arturo: “Ay Nena, why are you always trying to rescue people? Focus on your dreams. Olvida ese lechugero [Forget that lettuce picker]. Don’t let him distract you from your goals” (123). Mago’s words infuriate Reyna, who immediately thinks of their father: “How dare you call him that? I wanted to do for him what I wished someone had done for our father when he had slept in that abandoned car and had been far from home” (123). Reyna’s sympathy for her father’s experiences directly impacts her relationship with Arturo, who refuses her offers for help because he is content with his life. 

Reyna’s troubled relationship with her father is also central to Chapter 18, which focuses on her graduation from UCSC. Father and daughter share a warm moment over lunch at a Thai restaurant: “We recognized each other from across the table. [...] For that brief moment, whatever had happened in the past no longer mattered” (133). Their closeness comes to an abrupt end, however, when Reyna reads her commencement essay, which pays tribute to Diana and reveals details about her father’s alcoholism and abuse. Reyna longs to hear her father say he is proud of her. Instead, he tells her she embarrassed him: “You told everyone I’m an alcoholic. That I beat you” (136). Reyna does not apologize, and her father does not forgive her. However, he shakes Diana’s hand, a gesture that reveals he is indeed proud of his daughter.